Hi Everyone! Long time no talk. I thought I would catch everyone up on how things are going here at the Stensrud house with baby and our D-Day drawing near.
First off, praise be to God for His faithfulness in leading us on this journey to building our family. In both the joy and the heartache we have endured, these situations have been molding us into the people God created us to be and He is using these situations to refine our faith.
We are so grateful for this opportunity to carry another child. To those who have been faithfully lifting us up on our journey to a family of 4, it may sound so simple but ‘thank you’. This is our 5th pregnancy and 6th child to carry in my womb and this has by far been the most peaceful pregnancy I have experienced.
I know it is because of prayer.
There have been so many people, even people I don’t know well who have informed us that they have been faithfully praying for us, some people even saying it is a part of their daily prayer routine.
Wow.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been moments of fear and questioning during this pregnancy but overall I feel that God has been putting a peace in my heart that acts like aloe on my scars from past hurt and disappointment.
Since having my cerclage stitches place around my 15th week of pregnancy things have really turned a positive corner and I have experienced a very different pregnancy than with Thor’s. As I wrote about previously, we decided to do the cerclage placement as well as weekly shots of progesterone to aide in keeping preterm labor at bay and my cervix closed. These two things combined with a low key lifestyle have gotten me to 35w 6d gestation with no bed rest. What an incredible blessing. I know this is all God and an answer to endless prayers.
I am overwhelmed to think that at this point in Thor’s pregnancy I would have been on bed rest for SEVEN weeks.
I cannot begin to explain how different pregnancy is when you do not have to spend hundreds of hours for weeks on end on a couch or in bed compare to living a normal life. Believe me, I would do months of bed rest again to bring a healthy child into this world but what an amazing experience it is to get to do the ‘normal’ things in life like get up and go to work, be with my family, and attend church each week etc. I can definitely tell you it is also much better mentally than the later. I truly never thought I would get to experience pregnancy without the several weeks of bed rest.
So what is going on at this point you ask?
TOMORROW I am schedule get my cervical stitches removed. Whoa! I will be 36 weeks along and at this point they will not stop my labor should my body decide it is time from this point forward. They said it is not typical to go into labor immediately after these are removed so I do not anticipate the baby arriving immediately but you never know. Such a surreal feeling to know how close we really are.
Our bags are packed and loaded and the infant car seat all hooked up in the car. It is weird to imagine that seat being taken up by another family member. I find myself looking at it in my rear view mirror a lot imagining the little life that will fill it. It has also been really good for Thor to see these things around the house. He has had a lot of questions about the baby’s car seat and why there is a baby swing in our living room again. He likes to put his stuffed animals in them for now.
Even with the removal of my stitches tomorrow, I could have this baby very soon or who knows… maybe I will carry all the way to term? Time will tell. My thoughts about having this baby are so different this time. I am much less worried (possibly because I have done this before) and the thought of having to carry to 40 week + does not bother me. Because we have experienced so much loss I am trying to be much more intentional about being in the moment and not wishing time away….I’m just enjoying the present.
Does my back hurt? Yes.
Is it hard to get out of bed most mornings? Yes.
Do I wish I could do more wrestling with my little boy right now? Yes.
Even with all of that is still worth it? Absolutely.
Even with all the aches and pains that come with the gift of pregnancy, I know how short this season in life really is. I don’t know if I will ever find myself back in this same position again. Pregnancy is a beautiful gift that I have spent so many hours praying for that I will not spend time wishing it away because it is fleeting moment of time that I will miss if I do not enjoy it. It is a blessing to be taken seriously.
Now…..what about postpartum depression and anxiety you say? For those who read our blog after Thor was born you know I experienced these things to the max. You are welcomed to go back and read all about it if you aren’t familiar with that situation. It was an incredibly difficult and dark time in my life when for obvious reasons I desperately wanted to be happy.
Am I worried about that happening again this time around? Sort of but also much better equipt…
What I love about God is that he will speak a Word to me a lot of times when I don’t expect it….. and right when I need to hear it….. even though I may not realize I need to hear it.
We are studying the book of Romans in our church right now. During our study this past Sunday morning our Pastor, Pat Nemmers, brought in the following verse for one of his talking points. This just happened to be the vary verse God needed me to hear. I know it because it hit me like a semi-truck when he read it. This is the verse I will hold closely to my heart as I learn to be a mother of 2 children. Sort of like my ‘life verse’ for this phase I am entering.
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I love this verse, I feel like it is what my heart wants to say but I didn’t know how to find the words.
I remember feeling very weak, broken and inadequate when I was in the deepest part of my postpartum anxiety.
This time around I will focus and put more of an emphasis on the grace that God has given me to get through each day so that his power can rest upon me when and if I struggle in the circumstances of any given day. He created our child and he created me to be this particular child’s mother I want to embrace that blessing completely.
I do not need to fear. I need to stop trying to control things. Control is something I struggled with after having Thor and is what I used to try to combat my anxiety.
This time, even when the baby is screaming and my almost 2 year old wants something ‘on demand’, I will remember the power of Christ that is in me and resting upon me, take a deep breath, and do the best that I can in those moments.
God never promised an easy life and he never promised parenting would be easy just because I love Him, but he did promise to walk with me each day. If I am seeking him and his wisdom he will help me be a way better parent with Him than without Him. I want to do a better job of loving my children through the eyes of Christ like he loves me.
Of course, I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if I will suffer from PPD or PPA again but if I do, I know that Christ will be walking me through those beautiful struggles refining me as I go through the good and the bad days. It doesn’t make sense to worry about it.
This gives me peace. I believe I will do much better this time around.
Should I go through postpartum issues again, I will live through it just like I did before and will come out on the other side with many solid learning experiences.
Instead of trying to get out or around those unfortunate circumstances should they come my way again… I will chose to rest in the grace of God and walk through the fire with him….hand in hand.
Worry is an easy thing to do and the hardest thing to combat but I will fight it. Amazingly, as hard as it was experiencing the anxiety last time, there were things that I learned through it that I would have never learned without it. I refuse to walk away from those lessons without allowing myself to learn something from them.
Anyways, we will let you know when this little baby decides to come and we look forward to introducing him or her to the world!
Thanks so much for uplifting us and we ask for continued prayer not only in the safe delivery of this little life but also that God would empower us as we learn to be a family of four and that His hand would be leading and guiding our family where he wants us to go.
P.S.
If you are struggling with infertility, miscarriage, still birth, postpartum depression or anxiety etc…. and do not know who to reach out to for prayer please email me. God never wanted us to face our issues alone. I would love to pray for you like many people have prayed for us when we could not pray ourselves. You can email those requests at daniellestensrud@gmail.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment