Reflection

Our due date is approaching fast and furious and my body even with the bed rest still continues to steadily progress little by little (currently sitting at 3cm dilation and 75% effacement) yet Michael and I still find ourselves asking from time to time, 'Is this for real'?  'Are we really going to be parents any day now'?

To some of you out there it may seem incredibly stupid that we are feeling those kinds of feelings this close to our baby's arrival but for Michael and I we find ourselves reflecting on that question when we debrief before bed each night (my favorite part of each day).  Last night for instance we were sitting there discussing the day and talking about life when the baby began pushing it's limbs out along the side of my belly. We laughed and took it in as best we knew how as we know in a blink of an eye this child will be here and times like these will be a memory.  We looked at each other and said, "even though we can see my body growing and changing and we can see our child moving from the outside of my belly it is still surreal".  We don't know if it's a good or bad thing that we still find ourselves having moments like these even this close to our due date but truth be told.....we do :).  Sometimes the best conversations come out of those moments and we get a chance to reflect on what we are most excited about and what our greatest fears are in becoming a parents.  What an awesome yet enormous responsibility God has entrusted us with.  We understand we will make mistakes, we will have moments of frustration, and even have days when we want to pull our hair out and call in grandma back ups but all in all we know we are about to embark on one of the hardest but most gratifying jobs we will ever have. 

How have we combated those fears that enter in and tell us things like, 'you guys don't know what you are doing', or 'you guys are not cut out for this'?.......You know, those doubts that the devil places in your mind.  We have made sure in those times to remind ourselves that this child was not something 'we created' it is a gift that God has so graciously given us.  A child that God is entrusting in our care.  He has chosen us to be the parents of this child and He has been faithful and  answered our prayers and given us this opportunity to become parents.  If He believes in us, we also need to believe in ourselves and be ok with learning as we go and doing the best we can along the way.  We don't know all the answers and He doesn't expect us to.   That is what He is here for, to guide us as we seek him through this journey. 

I read a verse this week that struck me even though I've read it a thousand times and as I think about my new role as a parent, I want to keep this verse close to my heart.  Here it is:

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Michael and I's greatest desire is for our children to have a heart for the Lord.  To love Him not because we do, but because they truly understand that he is the giver of life.  We as parents hope to equip them with the knowledge that the only thing that will truly fullfil them in this world is a true personal relationship with Christ (we know this to be true from our personal experiences). 

For any of you that follow me on Facebook regularly you may have noticed that I have been in a reading frenzy.  I have read the 5 book 'Redemption Series' by Karen Kingsbury and today I just finished the 1st book in her 'Firstborn Series'.  I have read 4 books this week alone.  This has not only helped me to pass the time on bed rest, it has also really opened my heart and caused me to imagine our family and what the future may hold for us as our children grow older. 

What I love about this series is that the parents (John and Elizabeth Baxter) have raised 5 children.  They have exuded a strong marriage filled with true love and respect that is grounded in their faith in God.  There love for God is #1, their love for each other is #2 and their love for their children is #3.  They have shown each of their children Christ by living their lives for Him daily and being strong examples for their kids through the good and bad times.  The part that I have enjoyed the most about these books is seeing what each of the children did with that knowledge as they grew older and became adults.  The Baxter family had children turn from God, in some cases completely walked away from God for a season.  The parents never waivered in their prayers for their children during those times.  As Proverbs 22 states above, they planted the seeds of Christ in their children's hearts growing up and showed them what it was to be a Christ following family.  Eventually the children that strayed did come back to God even after incredibly difficult life situations and turning completely away from God.

That has been refreshing for me to remember.  Sometimes parents can do their best to teach and train their children to love God and sometimes the children will fall off track (just like Michael and I have many many times) but instead of thinking that we failed as parents and giving up, PRAY.  Pray that those things that we have tried to instill in the hearts of our children that they will not completely turn from them if and when they go through difficult trails and seasons in their lives.  Pray that they will come back to Christ even if they stray for a season.  And mostly, never give up hope that God is greater than any trail we face or that our children face because he has offered us grace and forgiveness.  There is nothing we can do or they can do to cause Him not to love us anymore.  PTL!

Remembering these things has helped to take some pressure off us as I think about the responsibility set before us as parents.  Remembering this helps us know that we are not in control...God is... and we need to turn over the reigns to him and let him lead us through this awesome journey.  But most of all, remembering that God does not expect us to be perfect parents that know everything because we won't be perfect, we can't be, we are human.  We will have rough days when we have no idea what we are doing and God will be right there with us.

My greatest prayer of all is that Michael and I's relationship will always be grounded in Christ.  That our relationship with God comes first followed by our relationship with each other as I truly believe the greatest gift we can give our children is a healthy marriage with parents who truly love Christ and each other.  Then we can truly love our kids the way they deserve to be loved. 

The start of our parenting journey is getting ever so close and I felt a strong desire to share what our hearts have been thinking, processing and praying about lately.  This may be a blog we need to come back and read in the future when we are having a less than perfect day and remind ourselves that we need to give it to God.  Man, why is it soooooo easy to put so much pressure on ourselves sometimes?? :)

Happy Thursday Everyone!